Dedicated Leilui Nishmat Esther Bat Rina, Esther Ashkenazi A’h by Her Grandson Victor and Sophie Harary and Family
Parashat Vayechi May You Be Like Ephraim and Menashe This week’s parasha begins with the passuk, “Vayechi Yaakov be’eretz Mitzrayim sheva esre shana — Yaakov lived in the land of Egypt for seventeen years.” The gematria of the word vayechi is thirty-four, which represents the first seventeen years that Yosef lived with his father Yaakov, and the last seventeen years when they were reunited again in Egypt. Our Rabbis teach us that those were the years that Yaakov considered his best years, and the years when he really lived! Later in the parasha it says that Yaakov became ill and Yosef brought his two sons Ephraim and Menashe to his father to bless them. It is the practice in every Jewish home on Friday nights to bless our sons, “Yesimcha Elokim ke’Ephraim v’keMenashe — Hashem should bless them as Ephraim and Menashe.” Why are Ephraim and Menashe a vehicle for blessing our sons until today? The answer is that Yaakov saw how Yosef’s two sons exemplified a fundamental principle of the Torah. There was no competition between them, and neither considered himself greater than his brother. There was no sibling rivalry of the kind we have witnessed throughout history between brothers: first with Kayin and Hevel, then Yitzchak and Yishmael, and finally with Yaakov and Esav. We therefore bless our sons that they emulate Ephraim and Menashe. Another reason that we bless our sons to be like Ephraim and Menashe is that they were able to survive and stay true to Torah values despite growing up in Egypt’s decadent society. This is something that we are living through during galut today, and which we must also overcome until the arrival of the Mashiah! Focus on Their Strengths In passuk 14, as Yaakov blesses Ephraim and Menashe, the Torah says that Yaakov “Sikel et yadav — he maneuvered his hands.” Yaakov crossed his hands so that his right hand ended up on Ephraim, who was on his left side, and his left hand ended up on Menashe, who was on his right side. Why did Yaakov switch his hands when he blessed them? Wouldn’t that be a sign that Yaakov was favoring one brother over the other, as he seemed to have done when he gave the ketonet passim to Yosef and not to his other sons? Rashi comments that Yaakov knew that Ephraim needed that extra beracha, because he saw through ruah hakodesh that his descendant Yehoshua would be the one to apportion the land and teach the Torah that he had learned from Moshe Rabenu to B’nei Yisrael. Yaakov knew that all his children were different one from one another, just as our own children are different and must be raised in their own way. As Shlomo Hamelech writes in Mishle, “Hanoch la’naar al pi darko — Raise your child according to his way!” Every parent today should know and understand this rule when raising their children. A modern saying that’s derived from this principle is that “Education is not one size fits all.” It is important to act in accordance with the needs of each child. For example, if one child needs extra tutoring, you would hire a tutor, whereas the other child may not need the extra help. Rabbi Ephraim Shapiro further explains that the right side of a person represents his strengths and wonderful qualities. The left side of a person represents his weaknesses, the areas in which he needs to improve. He teaches that when we face a person and stretch out our arms without switching them, we are placing our right arm (the stronger arm) on the other person’s left side. This indicates that we are accentuating their left side, reminding them of their faults and deficiencies. When we point our left arm (the weak arm) at their right side, we are symbolically neglecting to acknowledge their positive attributes. Yaakov teaches us to “switch hands.” When we face a person, we should figuratively let our right arm extend to the person’s right side, emphasizing that person’s finer traits. We can give them a meaningful compliment, remind them of how much they mean to us and what an integral role they play in our lives. Our left, weaker arm will extend to their left side, indicating that although everyone has their deficiencies, we will not accentuate their shortcomings. In order to be successful in our interpersonal relationships, we must follow this form of focusing on the positive rather than the negative. Charlie Harary told a very personal story about a teacher from his childhood who saw and highlighted his strengths. Throughout his high school experience, Charlie was no stranger to the principal’s office. The principal, Rabbi David Eliach, called Charlie’s mother so often that he had her on his speed dial right under with his own mother’s number! Any time he would be called to the principal, his mother would rush to defend her son, no matter what the offense. Although he was frequently getting in trouble, Charlie Harary knew deep down that he was a good kid who had a problem sitting still. It was not until 11th grade that he began to doubt himself. Every year, the school would post the seminar list, a list of kids that would be in charge of welcoming the incoming Freshmen. Charlie knew he was a good kid, and that his name would be on the list. His eyes scanned the alphabetical list down to H, “Hmm… No Harary, maybe I missed it.” He read the list A to Z. His name was not there. Charlie was devastated, “Maybe I’m not a good kid who can’t sit. Maybe I’m a bad kid after all,” he thought. His self-confidence took a huge hit, and he went home from school early. When he got home, his mother’s phone rang. It was Rabbi Eliach. Charlie’s mother rushed to his defense and said her usual spiel, “He didn’t do it, it wasn’t his fault…” But it was Rabbi David Eliach on the phone, the principal’s son, who was Charlie’s teacher in 9th grade. He wanted to speak to Charlie. He said, “I noticed your name was missing from the seminar board. That’s too bad, you should’ve been on it. You’re a great kid.” A 30-second phone conversation changed the trajectory for Charlie Harary’s life. All it took was one teacher telling him he saw him, saw his strength, saw that he was good, and it helped influence his entire path. Let Us Unite! Rabbi Frand quotes a Gemara which mentions that Yosef Hatzadik hid three treasures while he was ruling Egypt. One of the treasures was found by Korach, one treasure was found by Antoninus (a Roman general), and one is hidden away for the tzaddikim in the world to come. On a literal level, this Gemara is saying that Yosef hid away three valuable treasures he acquired as Viceroy of Egypt, and that Korach found one, Antoninus found one, and the tzaddikim will find one during Mashiah. However, according to Pardes Yosef, the treasures that Yosef buried in Egypt had nothing to do with money, rather three fundamentals of living that Yosef figuratively hid away for future generations. The first “treasure” was the principle that if Hashem wants someone to be elevated to a position of leadership, he will achieve that position regardless of anyone else’s attempt to halt his rise to power. One can have all the enemies in the world, but he would still prevail if that is the Will of Hashem. We see this for the first time, in the life of Yosef. He told his brothers that he saw in his dreams that they would come and bow down to him, and despite all the brothers’ efforts to prevent Yosef’s rise to leadership, he became Pharaoh’s second in command through Hashem’s Will. Korach discovered this treasure the hard way. Korach had challenged the leadership of Moshe Rabbenu. “I want to be the leader.” He tried his hardest to acquire power from his cousin Moshe. However, it was revealed from Heaven that if the Hashem wants someone to be the leader, his leadership is inevitable and unable to be challenged. In today’s political climate, it is important to remember this lesson: that Hashem will choose a leader who will prevail, no matter what obstacles stand in the way. The second “treasure” of Yosef’s life has to do with anti-Semitism. Some think that what causes anti-Semitism is the fact that we act differently, and if we would act more like the goyim, they would accept us and not be anti-Semitic. We know that this is not true. Yosef was a religious and observant Jew in Egypt. The Egyptians and their religious practices were completely opposed to the lifestyle practiced by Yosef. One may say, “If you want to be successful in life, you need to give up your religion.” Yosef disproved this philosophy. Pharaoh accepted him as he was. This lesson, that one can remain a religious Jew and achieve respect from gentile society regardless of one’s religion, was the second treasure that Yosef hid away for later generations. It was discovered with the friendship between Antoninus and Rav Yehudah Hanassi, who compiled the Mishna and led the Jewish community. And yet, Antoninus, the head of Rome, respected and honored him! Rav Yehudah Hanassi acted like a “Jew,” why did Antoninus not hate him? It is because, as Yosef revealed centuries earlier in Egypt, anti-Semitism does NOT stem from the fact that Jews are different from gentiles. One can achieve success in society at large, if one sticks to his principles. There are observant Jews in every area of government and industry, in positions of great prominence. They do not need to compromise their religious principles to achieve success and respect. The third “treasure” that Yosef hid for the future, is the idea of ahavat achim—brotherly love. We have almost become resolved to the knowledge that inner-communal jealousies, rivalries, and hatred between our friends will always exist. The story of Yosef proved that despite the tensions and the bitter events that transpired between them, it was possible for the brothers to put those differences behind and reach a level of ahavat achim. We look at the controversies and tensions that exist within the Jewish people today, and we ask ourselves “How is Mashiah ever going to come?” This “treasure” of Yosef is still hidden away; it has not yet been discovered. However, the Gemara assures us that the tzaddikim will one day find it, and then true brotherly love, Yosef’s “third treasure,” will once again be present within our nation. Just before Yaakov began to bless his sons, he said, “Assemble yourselves and I will tell you what will befall you in the end of days. Gather yourselves and listen, sons of Yaakov, and listen to Israel your father (49:1–2).” Besides their literal meaning, these verses give the message that only if the brothers, and the Jewish nation, avoid opposition, if they always assemble and gather together, they will merit the final redemption. Chessed In Parashat Vayechi, Yaakov asks his son for the ultimate chessed of taking care of his burial. Ahavat achim is achievable through any act of kindness. There is a beloved organization called Mitzvah Man that was started by one of our very own community members. Rabbi Ashear wrote an amazing story about him in his book Living Emunah: On the Parasha. Several years ago, a man decided he wanted to do small acts of kindness. He called himself “Mitzvah Man” so those who needed help could call him. He moved furniture, drove someone to a doctor’s appointment, and kept a lonely senior company for a couple of hours. Soon, his one-man operation turned into a huge success, with many volunteers and over 12,000 acts of chessed being done annually! Back when he was a new organization, someone called the Mitzvah Man and requested financial help to purchase a car. He was a father of a large family, and his lack of a vehicle was straining his shalom bayit. Mitzvah Man told him he wasn’t equipped to handle that big of a request, but that he would try his hardest to help. A week later, Mitzvah Man attended a charity auction held by Eshel Shabbat, where a car was being raffled off as the grand prize. Mitzvah Man bought a ticket to the raffle with that needy family in mind. That night, his ticket was called! He won the car and gave it to the family that needed it! Two years later, another struggling family was in need of a car. The Eshel auction was coming up, and again, Mitzvah Man entered with the hope of giving the car to this family. Again, Baruch Hashem, Mitzvah Man’s ticket was chosen out of hundreds of entries!! A year later, a family approached him in dire need of financial help. Unfortunately, Mitzvah Man was not prepared to give a substantial amount, as their main focus is acts of chessed. Mitzvah Man promised he would try to help. He found himself at another auction. He put down the name of the father of the struggling family, and sure enough, later that night, split the pot had a grand prize of $17,000. The father’s name was called!! Mitzvah Man’s acts of chessed are incredibly genuine. His desire to help people is palpable. Hashem makes miracles for those that sincerely want to help their fellow Jews. To sign up to be a Mitzvah Man volunteer, visit http://www.themitzvahman.org/get-involved/. May we have the insight to raise our children with true Torah values and good middot, and to guide them and teach them according to their own strengths. May we also learn to find Yosef’s “third treasure,” to understand the importance of chessed and maintaining unity among our siblings and all of Klal Yisrael! Amen! Shabbat Shalom! Rabbi Amram Sananes as written by Jack Rahmey Discussion Points:
How do we react when another person hurts us, and can we change our mindset to believe that everything that happens is not from that person but directly from Hashem?
“Hashem should bless them as Ephraim and Menashe.” Yaakov saw how Yosef’s two sons exemplified a fundamental principle of the Torah. There was no competition between them, and neither considered himself greater than his brother. We therefore bless our children to emulate them.
Yaakov teaches us to “switch hands.” When we face a person, we should figuratively let our right arm extend to the person’s right side, emphasizing that person’s finer traits with a meaningful compliment. Our left, weaker arm will extend to their left side, indicating that although everyone has their deficiencies, we will not accentuate their shortcomings.
Yosef teaches that if Hashem wants someone to be elevated to a position of leadership, he will achieve that position regardless of anyone else’s attempt to halt his rise to power. One can have all the enemies in the world, but he would still prevail if that is the Will of Hashem.
Yosef taught that anti-Semitism does NOT stem from the fact that Jews are different from gentiles. One can achieve success in society if one sticks to his principles. Pharaoh accepted him as Viceroy and a religious Jew.
The story of Yosef proved that despite the tensions and the bitter events that transpired between them, it was possible for the brothers to put those differences behind and reach a level of ahavat achim.
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