Parashat Ki Tetzeh

Dedicated in Honor of David and Joyce Rahmey

on Their Wedding Celebration

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Parashat Ki Tetzeh

Yetzer Hara

“Ki tetzeh lamilchamah al oyvecha untano Hashem Elokecha beyadecha veshavita shivyo — If you go to war against your enemy, and Hashem, your G-d, delivers him into your hands, and you take his captives (21:10).” The Zohar Hakadosh interprets this passuk as referring to the internal war a person has with his yetzer hara—evil inclination. As we learned in Shoftim, the parshiot read in between Elul and Yom Kippur allude to one’s battle with his evil inclination. The first passuk in this parasha says that if one is truly sincere in trying to defeat his yetzer hara, Hashem will help him be victorious.

In Parashat Vayishlach, when Yaakov fought with the angel, “Yaakov demanded, ‘Tell me your name,’ and [the angel] said, ‘Why is it that you ask for my name (Bereshit 32:30)?’” Rashi comments that the angel didn’t have a set name because it kept changing. He comes in many different forms and is called by many names, like yetzer hara, Satan, and Malach Hamavet. He can also be called money, internet, or jealousy.

A famous Russian chess player, Garry Kasparov, was brought to the United States in 1996 to play chess against an IBM supercomputer. Kasparov beat the supercomputer in six games and was a revered hero when he returned to Russia. A year later, IBM brought him back for a rematch called The Man vs. The Machine, which Kasparov lost.

When asked in an interview following the match how he lost, Kasparov replied, “IBM didn’t build the computer for chess; they built it for Kasparov.” The team at IBM had studied hundreds of videos of games played by Kasparov and learned all his tactics and strategies to create another Garry Kasparov, effectively making him play himself.

The yetzer hara is every person’s worst enemy because it is a programmed yetzer hara that knows every strength, every weakness, and every aspect of each person to get him to fail. It’s our job to do everything we can to fight it; even if we fail, the challenge in the fight will make us stronger.

The Woman Captured in War

The parasha discusses three decrees which show the negative consequences of a man’s actions after following his yetzer hara. The first one concerns the procedures that must be followed if a soldier desires a beautiful woman who had been captured in war after the yetzer hara got ahold of him. The Torah instructs him that it is permissible to take her as a wife, but there are several hurdles that he must first pass: she must shave her head, let her nails grow, and sit and weep for her parents for thirty days. Only then can he finally marry her.

We see from this that the Torah understands human nature. By the time the soldier followed through with the Torah’s instructions, he might have found marrying her no longer worthwhile. But once he followed through with all these procedures, the Torah later decreed that, ultimately, the man would end up hating this woman. The second decree is if the hated wife would bear a son, the man will be obligated to give him a double portion of the inheritance, since he will be a bechor—firstborn. The third decree is that the son from that marriage will grow to be rebellious.

The Rebellious Son

The Torah then discusses the ben sorer umoreh—the rebellious son, which would result from marrying a woman captured in war. The passuk says, “If a man has a wayward and rebellious son who does not obey his father or his mother and they chasten him, and still he does not listen to them, his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city (21:19-20).” The Torah instructs the parents to tell the elders that their son is wayward, and a glutton.

The parents notice a trend in their son’s spiritual development that will inevitably lead to a lifestyle involving robbery and perhaps murder. Therefore, the Torah advises that he should be stoned to death “at the stage in life when he is still innocent,” rather than allowing him to mature to a point where he will be fully deserving of death, to save him from this destiny.

There are two questions here. Why are they instructed to kill him as a child because he might become a murderer one day? Additionally, the penalty for a murderer is death by sword, but the sentence for a ben sorer umoreh is death by stoning, which is a more severe punishment. Why does this boy get a worse punishment for the potential of a murder than an actual killer?

Before answering, it’s crucial to mention that the Torah made so many conditions that would have to be fulfilled that it’s virtually impossible that a boy would ever qualify as a bona fide ben sorer umoreh (Sanhedrin 71a). For example, he must be at a very specific stage of early manhood—approximately between the ages of 13 and 13¼; he must steal certain quantities of meat and wine from his father, he must consume them away from home, both his parents have to turn him into the authorities willingly, the court had to have both warned and whipped him one time before he continued his behavior, and the parents must be similar in height, voice, and appearance.

This very explanation is the answer to our questions. The wayward son is a person who is pure evil. He is destined to stray so far as to become a thief and a murderer. He had already cursed his parents, stole from them, and disregarded the bet din. Though he never had and never will exist, the punishment is so severe so the rest of the nation can understand the consequences of destroying one’s potential.

Mixed Messages

Rav Dovid Feinstein makes an interesting linguistic inference from the wording in this chapter. When the Torah initially describes the situation of the ben sorer umoreh, it states, “He did not listen to the voice of his father nor the voice of his mother (21:18).” However, when the Torah describes the testimony of the parents in bet din, there is a subtle change of language: “He does not listen to our voice (21:20).”

There are no secret formulas to raising good children. Raising children is the most challenging job in the world. However, there are certain things parents should try to avoid. Parents should always present their children with a single message. When a child hears mixed messages — one from the father and another from the mother — that is a garden in which weeds can grow.

Rabbi Frand elaborates that when the child hears mixed messages, he follows whatever he thinks is right. Since one parent says one thing and the other says another, he follows the third path. And even if the parents present a unified approach, there is still no guarantee that the children will be perfect. But at least the parents have removed one of the most significant reasons children go astray.

Therefore, the Torah stressed at the outset that the parents were not of one voice and one opinion. The child did not listen to his father’s voice, and independently he did not listen to his mother’s alternate voice. Only subsequently, when the child has already left the path, do the parents come and sadly tell the elders of the court, “Now we are together. We have a unified voice, and what our son is doing is wrong.” Unfortunately, by then, it is too late.

Parents may have disagreements among themselves as to what is the proper course in raising children. But those disagreements need to be decided among themselves. Parents must articulate a clear, decisive, and uniform position when they come before their children. When they reach the status of “our voice,” rather than “the father’s voice” and “the mother’s voice,” their chances for success in raising their children will be much greater.

Shiluach Haken

“If you see a bird’s nest and send away the mother bird and then take the young for yourself, it will be good for you and prolong your days.” Only two mitzvot in the Torah have the specific reward of, “It will be good for you and prolong your days.” The first, shiluach haken—sending away a mother bird to collect the eggs, is mentioned in this parasha. The second is kibud av va’em—respecting one’s parents.

According to the Vilna Gaon, these are two mitzvot that two different types of people can achieve. For a very compassionate person, shiluach haken can be considered a mitzvah that requires a little bit of achzariut—cruelty. This mitzvah can be very difficult for them, but they do it for no other reason than because Hashem said to. For others, this mitzvah is very simple. They take a broomstick, tap a nest, and do the mitzvah because Hashem said to.

With kibud av va’em, a person with much compassion might find this mitzvah very simple and logical. They can respect their parents easily, especially if they are elderly. This mitzvah is difficult for a person with less compassion, because parents and children have very complicated relationships.

Both mitzvot have the same reward because they are on opposite ends of the “compassion spectrum.” The person with a lot of compassion is challenged by the bird, but not by respecting his parents. The person who is a little more apathetic finds shiluach haken to be easy and kibud av va’em to be more of a challenge. Therefore, the Vilna Gaon says no matter what personality one has, he is given an equal opportunity to do the mitzvot in the Torah, because he is following Hashem whether the mitzvot suit his personality or go against his nature. That is why the reward is so great for these two mitzvot. They show that we serve Hashem because He gave us the Torah, not because we have a certain personality.

What We Do Not Understand

Rabbi Biderman brings an inspiring story that happened to Reb Avraham Aboulafia, a respected Rav in Arizona. Recently, he was traveling to Toronto to arrange a get—divorce. The passenger sitting next to him was a dark man. Rabbi Aboulafia greeted him and asked him his name. The man replied, "Shah!" Rabbi Aboulafia understood that he preferred not to engage in conversation, so he didn't ask any more questions.

Reb Aboulafia took out a sefer and began to learn the miforshim—commentary on the parashah of the week, parashat

Chukat. He began reading up on the words “V’zot Chukat Ha’Torah,” but he could not help but notice that his neighbor was staring at the words of the sefer. Finally, the goy pointed to “Chukat Ha’Torah” and asked for the meaning of the words.

“This is a Jewish book, and these are Hebrew words." The goy was interested in the two words “Chukat Ha’Torah,” wanting to know their translation. The Rav told him what it meant and taught him how to pronounce the words. While they were speaking, the gentile rolled up his sleeve, revealing his tattooed arm. The tattoo was nothing other than the words, “Chukat Ha’Torah” written in Hebrew.

The Rav was shocked. Why did this gentile have Torah words on his arm!? He asked for an explanation. When I was young," the gentile replied, "my father had my arm tattooed with these words. He said it was a Chinese custom, an omen for the child's success. It is supposed to bring the child good luck for the rest of his life. He told me that wondrous secrets are hidden in these words."

The Rav told him his explanation didn't make sense and kept probing for a proper explanation. The gentile admitted, "For forty years, I've been trying to figure out what these words mean. In fact, until now, I didn't realize they were letters. I thought they were, just symbols or drawings. Only now did I discover that they are letters." The Rav realized that the gentile was speaking the truth; he had no idea why those words landed on his arm.

Then the goy said, "My father is still alive. He is seventy years old. You can call him and ask him about it." The Rav took down his father's phone number and, as soon as the plane landed, called the man. He began the conversation by giving the father regards from his son. "I sat beside him on the plane; I enjoyed speaking to him. But I am wondering about something. I saw on your son's arm two words from our holy Torah,’Chukat Ha’Torah.’ Can you please tell me why these words were tattooed on his arm?”

The father replied with the same story about the Chinese custom, and the Rabbi inquired again. After the father tried giving various other explanations, but the Rav succeeded in getting the secret out of the father. The father broke down in bitter tears as he began his tragic story. "When I was a bachur—young man, I studied in Ponevezh. I was very close with the great Rosh Yeshiva, the gaon Harav Shach zt'I. I studied with diligence and after getting married, I learned in Kollel.

As time passed, parnassah became very difficult. At that time, I was offered a nighttime job in an office. I would be able to earn a living at night while continuing to learn Torah all day in Kollel. My money problems were resolved. This went on for some time. But then, a non-Jewish, black woman was hired to clean the office at night, doing the same hours I worked there. I immediately went to Rav Shach and informed him of this new development. Rav Shach ruled, "You cannot work there anymore under these conditions it involves the prohibition of yichud—seclusion!"

I began to plead with Rav Shach that I needed this job for my parnassah. I added that if I gave up this job, my shalom bayit would unravel, and my children would go hungry. Rav Shach opened a Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 22] and showed me that the prohibition of yichud also applies with a gentile.

I replied, "But Rebbe! What connection do I have with a black woman? I have no interest in her!" Rav Shach replied, "Don't try rationalizing this issue. ‘Zot Chukat Ha’Torah! —this is the decree of the Torah.” If the Torah doesn't permit, we can't transgress. We can't be smarter than the Torah." He explained that one isn't allowed to say the reason behind a prohibition doesn't apply to him. What the Torah forbids is forbidden, and there is no room for rationalizing and making loopholes.”

But I didn't pass the test. I was desperate to earn a living, so I continued working there. I will not elaborate, but the black woman and I became friendly with time. I divorced my wife, left my young children, and married this black woman. We moved to her country of origin. Throughout this whole time, I knew I should have listened to what Rav Shach said. So, when my son was born, I called him Shach, after my Rebbe, Rav Shach zt'L (This is why the son said "Shah' when Rav Aboulafia asked him for his name. It is difficult for non-Jews to pronounce the sound of a “chaf,” so he called himself "Shah" instead of 'Shach.")

I also immediately had my son tattooed with the words “Chukat Ha’Torah” as a reminder of my Rebbe's words. I wanted a constant reminder of what caused my destruction and downfall. I thought I was clever. I thought I could outsmart the Torah. And now, look what happened to me. From then until today, I have had no life. With one foolish act, I buried myself in heartbreak and sin.

May we all take care to learn Torah every day as the antidote to our evil inclination. May we raise our children with a unified voice. And may we always follow the mitzvot no matter our personality type and see great rewards in the future! Amen!

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Amram Sananes, written by Jack Rahmey

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Anyone interested in dedicating this Divre Torah Le'ilui Nishmat or Refuah Shelemah or In Honor of someone, can email me at

jrahmey@rahmeyfinancial.com. Checks can be made out to “A Life of Torah” for $101 and mailed to 2387 Ocean Ave Suite 1G, Brooklyn, NY 11229 (please put in the memo “Divre Torah”). Anyone interested in past parshiot please go to the website ParashaPerspective.org