Parashat Chayei Sarah
Dedicated Le’ilui Nishmat Sarah bat Simcha by Ezra Ashkenazi and Family
Parashat Chayei Sarah
Don’t Regret Doing the Mitzvah
Parashat Chayei Sarah continues from where we left off last week, with the death of Sarah Imenu. Our Rabbis teach us that there was a connection between Sarah’s death and Akedat Yitzchak. Her death, they explain, was the result of the akedah. Rashi quotes Chazal, that the Satan described the akedah to Sarah shockingly. Normally if one breaks unpleasant news to a parent that resulted in success, he would start off by saying, “Your son is okay, but he was involved in a car accident and b’H he’s fine.” A person must learn how to talk when breaking difficult news to someone.
But the Satan said, “Avraham sacrificed your son Yitzchak...but he didn’t kill him.” From these shocking words Sarah’s neshamah left her body, but she heard the rest and was satisfied that her son had survived. Why did the Satan have to shock Sarah? Chazal answer that the Satan was trying to make Avraham regret what he did, so that he would lose this incredible mitzvah. As we say in hashkivenu in arbit, “Vehaser Satan melifanenu u’meacharenu—Remove the Satan from before and after us.” Please Hashem, don’t let the Satan discourage us from doing mitzvot before we do them or cause us to regret doing them afterwards.
Imagine if you see a poor person that you want to help, but the Satan grabs you and discourages you from helping that person. Then, after you conquer the yetzer harah and help the man, the Satan comes to you and says, “Why did you give him so much money?” He tries to make you regret the mitzvah that you just did, so that you will lose credit for it. This is exactly what the Satan was trying to accomplish with Avraham.
But we learn that Sarah passed her test, because Chazal taught us that her last breath came with the proud knowledge that she had succeeded in raising a son who was willing to give up his life in the service of Hashem.
This parasha begins with the passuk, “Vehayu chayei Sarah meah shanah ve’esrim shanah ve’sheva shanim; Shenei chayei Sarah—Sarah’s lifetime was one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years; [these were] the years of Sarah's life.”
We learn from the repetition of the words “chayei Sarah” that Sarah lived out her full lifetime, and the Satan did not take away any of the years of her life. This was when she was supposed to die.
The Torah goes on to say, “Veyavo Avraham lespod l’sarah v’livkota — And Avraham came to eulogize Sarah and to cry for her.” But here the Torah uses a small kaf in the word v’livkota, which means “to cry for her.” The reason for this is because Avraham first eulogized Sarah’s good traits publicly; and then later, he cried for his loss privately. Hacham Ovadia once said at the funeral of the wife of a very charitable man from our community that “Avraham didn’t cry so much because he was able to visualize Sarah in Olam Habah and the glory that she was basking in.”
Later it says, “V’Avraham zaken ba bayamim, v’Hashem berach et Avraham bakol — And Avraham was old, advanced in his days, and Hashem had blessed Avraham with everything (24:1).” Rashi says that the numerical value of “bakol—with everything” is 52, which is the same numerical value as the word ben—son. Rashi implies that once Avraham had his son Yitzchak and they both passed that final test of the akedah, he was content that he truly did have everything!
As we get older, we realize what’s most important in our lives is our children and the legacy we leave through them. So when Rashi says that Avraham’s son Yitzchak was everything, he’s saying that all that really matters to us as parents and grandparents is our children, and the future of our families who will carry on our lineage.
This passuk says that Hashem’s blessings for us is to have children and grandchildren that will grow up to follow in the ways of the Torah and make us proud of them. To many people, having “everything” means wealth, status, and honor. But really, what’s most important is seeing our children become part of our Jewish lineage.
When the great Rabbi Avigdor Miller passed away in 2001, his children found the following letter in his will: “My children and grandchildren, please don’t cry or mourn for me too much, because I’m very thankful to Hashem for giving me a wonderful life. I had a wonderful wife and five beautiful children who all went in the way of the Torah. My two sons, both Rabbis, one a rosh yeshiva, and my three daughters all married to Rabbis. My grandchildren also all B’nei Torah and following the path of Torah, as I have prayed for all my life. I was healthy all my years and was able to learn for six years in Slabotka yeshivah. I am truly grateful for the wonderful life that Hashem gave me.”
There is a question posed about how the passuk begins, “Avraham was old, advanced in his days.” This seems somewhat redundant. Rabbi Twersky, also a doctor, comments that many people in their older years tend to look back and express regret. If only they could turn back the clock and relive the days of their youth to avoid some of the mistakes they had made. They would never think back and say, “If only I had spent more time at the office.” Rather, they realize later in life how insignificant those extra hours at the office were, compared to the great value of spending precious time with the family.
The Torah is saying that there was not a single day that Avraham wasted or regret — he had done “everything.” There is no greater beracha than looking back on our lives and having the satisfaction that we lived our lives to the fullest and wouldn’t want to go back and relive a single day.
Hashem Makes Shidduchim
After detailing the mourning for Sarah and the purchase of Maarat Hamachpelah, the Torah then goes on for 66 pesukim to elaborate on how Avraham sent Eliezer to find a wife for his son Yitzchak. Eliezer was Avraham’s trusted, right-hand man. He went back to Avraham’s family in Charan to the home of Betuel, where he met Rivkah, the sister of Lavan by a well. The Torah wanted to show us the hand of Hashem and how Hashem is the ultimate matchmaker. We see the story unfold: Eliezer and Rivkah happen to meet by the well and Rivkah displays her middot by giving Eliezer and his camels water. It is easy to see the Hand of Hashem when we think back to how we met our spouses or the way our children’s shidduchim occurred. Rabbi Ozeirey and any of the other matchmakers in our community will attest to this fact. Hashem is the ultimate Shadchan.
Rabbi David Ashear comments on this. Older singles often wonder whether they’ll ever get married. Some haven’t had a date in months, and some not in years. Even when there are suggestions, they don’t sound promising. Sometimes, they will feel the urge to say, “Forget it, it’s been so long. It’s never going to happen.”
The Seforno comments on the passuk in Parashat Miketz describing how Yosef was rushed out of prison after twelve long years, “Derech kol teshuat Hashem hanaasit kemo regah—Hashem always brings His salvations in an instant.” It doesn’t matter if a person didn’t go on a date for six months or six years. When Hashem decides that the time for salvation has arrived, it will come so fast, without any prior notice. We must always hope for that moment to arrive.
Rabbi Ashear published an amazing story in his Daily Emunah book that he heard from Rabbi Yitzchak Zilberstein, which took place several years ago in London. There was a young lady from a very respected and well-to-do family there. She had everything going for her: Beautiful middot, yiraat Shamayim, etc. Everyone thought she would get married very quickly. She went out with the finest boys who went to the greatest Yeshivot. But nothing clicked. The years passed and she was already twenty-eight-years old. She had been dating for almost ten years, without success. Her parents had almost given up; the shadchanim practically stopped dealing with her. Even when a date was set up, nobody really had any expectations that it would work out. All her friends were married. Some had three or four children, but she was still all alone.
Her parents kept a lot of hired help, including various gentile dayworkers. One day, one of those workers approached the parents and asked, “Can I speak to you for a moment? Before I come to your house in the afternoon, I work cleaning the house of Mr. and Mrs. So and So. They are very religious Jews, like you, and they have a thirty-year-old son who has been trying for years to get married. They say he’s the best boy. According to what I see in both houses, I think he would be a great match for your daughter.”
The parents felt insulted. “Where have we gotten to?” they thought, “Our suggestions are now coming from our housekeeper. What does she know about this?” Of course, they politely thanked her and told her they would consider it.
They ultimately decided to look into that boy anyway, and it turned out that he lived just a few blocks away from them, but they had never heard his name before. Everyone who knew him spoke so highly of him, so they decided that it can’t hurt to try. They met the boy for the first time, and he made a terrific impression. He was one of the best boys in his Yeshivah and possessed all the beautiful qualities they were looking for in a son-in-law. Not too long after they began dating, the couple was engaged.
At the engagement party, the father of the bride, took the microphone and started to cry. In a broken voice, he said, “My precious friends and family, you are not going to believe what took place here. For the last ten years, we have been searching the globe for a hatan for our daughter. We spoke to shadchanim, rabbis, friends and acquaintances. Practically everybody in town knew of our situation. We went through hundreds of suggestions, but nothing ever worked out. Now, just four minutes from our house, we have found the man we have been waiting for. He was suggested to us, not by a rabbi and not by a friend, but by a cleaning woman, who had just began working for us a few weeks earlier. We must learn from here that Hashem is in charge. He is the One who is going to send us our shidduchim. We must stop spending weeks and months of our lives in aggravation, blaming ourselves and others that our children are not married. Instead, we should surrender to Hashem and say, “You are the only One with any say. When You know the right time has arrived, You will bring the salvation in a way that You see fit.” It can come in ways that we, literally, would never expect. Before the time was right, nothing anybody did could help us. Now, when the time did arrive, we experienced “Yeshuat Hashem keheref ayin—Hashem’s salvation in the blink of an eye.”
The Power of Prayer
When Eliezer was sent on a quest to find an unknown match for Yitzchak, he knew this would be a difficult task. He offered his own daughter to Avraham in order to ensure a shidduch, but Avraham refused. When Eliezer went on his mission, he prayed to Hashem that he would be successful, and Rivkah appeared by the well. Years later in Parashat Vayetzeh, Yaakov went on his journey to find his already established shidduch, Rachel. This match was set in motion already; it was supposed to be relatively easy! But instead, Yaakov had many hurdles to pass, working for years only to marry her sister Leah, and then having to work again. The difference here, was the prayers of Eliezer. He prayed for Hashem to give him success. And although the shidduch for Yitzchak was unknown and should have been difficult, Eliezer’s prayers and faith in Hashem made Rivkah appear quickly. So we learn from this, that when we pray difficult things become easy, and when we don’t pray, the easy things become more difficult.
We must always keep trying, keep praying, and have emunah that Hashem will find our naseeb at the right time. Shaare Zion launched SZ Connect, a matchmaking service with an extensive and confidential database of singles at every age and religious level. Baruch Hashem, SZ Connect has made many matches already, helping to create beautiful marriages that bring blessing and joy to our families and community. For more information, please email ShaareZionConnect@gmail.com or call (929) 400-7691.
May we always be happy about the mitzvot we do, and not regret them. May we always have emunah that Hashem is the Ultimate Shadchan and continue to pray for successful shidduchim for anyone that may be looking. May we live each day to the fullest by spending quality time with our children and grandchildren. This way we will enter our later years content that our days were full and productive, with our children and grandchildren around us, learning and growing in Torah and ma’asim tovim. Amen!
Rabbi Amram Sananes as written by Jack Rahmey
Are we living our lives the right way, with the guidance of the Torah, where we will have “everything?”
The Satan shocked Sarah with the news of Akedat Yitzchak in order to make Avraham regret the akedah. But Sarah passed away with the proud knowledge that she raised a son who was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for Hashem, and they all received credit for this incredible mitzvah.
Avraham was blessed “bakol— with everything” by being granted Yitzchak, and the legacy he left with him. Our children are our greatest blessing, and it is important to teach them the ways of the Torah so they can continue our legacy and make us proud.
Hashem is the Ultimate Shadchan, orchestrating every match with precision and grace. We must keep praying and have emunah that Hashem will bring our match at the right time, as we learned when Rivkah appeared at the well.
Eliyahu Ben Rachel
Rabbi Shimon Chay Ben Yaasher
Avraham Ben Garaz
Sarah Bat Chanah
Esther Bat Sarah
Avraham Ben Mazal
Shulamit Bat Helaina
Rabbi Meyer Ben Chana
Rahamim Ben Mazal
Batsheva Bat Sarah Esther
Rafael Ben Miriam
Ovadia Ben Esther
Rav Haim Ben Rivka
Moshe Ben Mazal
Moshe Ben Yael
Yitzchak Ben Adele
Avraham Ben Mazal
Meir Ben Latifa
Chanah Bat Esther
Yaakov Ben Rachel
Malka Bat Garaz
Moshe Ben Garaz
Avraham Ben Kami
Yaakov Ben Leah
Mordechai Ben Rachel
Chacham Shaul Rachamim Ben Mazal
Natan Ben Rachel
Saadia Ben Miriam
Eliyah Ben Latifa Simhon
Margalit Bat Mazal
Ovadia Haim Ben Malaky
Rabbi Aharon Chaim Ben Ruchama
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